Castles and Caskets

For the past couple of weeks I have been reading Ecclesiastes, and for the first time in my life it has had the opposite effect on me. Normally it leaves me with a feeling of meaninglessness...I mean the word is used endlessly throughout!

Nah, THIS time I have this overwhelming PEACE! Never expected THAT from the book about how pointless everything is...

Being married kind of puts an emphasis on financial security, making those "ends" meet. The cost = many hours away from the one I love and many disheartened days of attempting to encourage him as he's overworked, manipulated, and grossly underpaid...I sometimes forget. I forget that God knows what's going on in a world where so many things don't seem to add up.

Solomon was the wisest man and yet he knew that even the wise die like the foolish. Sometimes the wisest of all get the shaft, while the fools live on forever. All that is meaningless...

Solomon was the richest person alive, and had every kind of pleasure he could desire, yet he still did not find satisfaction in this.
A man can work his whole life saving and striving to make a life for himself, and all that can be gone in an instant. Or even if it stays around for a while, that man still dies, and never reaps the reward of his labor. Some man he never knew could be the one who enjoys all of his hard work. So working and striving are meaningless...

We camped in San Simeon this weekend and went to tour the great Hearst Castle. The place was just immense! It had tapestries, choir chairs, imported fireplaces, statues, intricate ceilings, a movie theatre, an enormous outdoor pool, and a smaller but still vastly enormous indoor pool with gold inlaid tiles surrounding it. The upkeep was just ridiculous. They said that to clean (not even to restore) the ceiling in one room it would cost millions of dollars.
And get this. He owed so many back taxes when he died that the whole estate had to be "donated" to cover the cost.
What a legacy after a lifetime of hard toiling, dreaming, and collecting.
He did not take any of that with him. He died just like any other Shmoe...Meaningless.

In the end, being the wisest man in the world, all Solomon could muster with his wisdom is: "No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover it's meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it."

So what...?
"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always annoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life God has given you under the sun-all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom." Ecc 9:7-10

"Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." Ecc 12:13b

I think so many times we can become so caught up in "figuring it all out," finding the meaning to all that surrounds us. We catagorize, diagnose, and try to box it all up with a pretty bow that says "well bad things happen to good people because [insert philosophy here]"...and so on.

Newsflash: Life's not always pretty! If you've lived longer than a couple of minutes you might have noticed that. In fact life can be downright like a pile of human diarhhea sometimes. And it gets on you, and it gets on me, and on everyone we interact with. So messy! And most times it comes so fast we don't have time to get help from a shrink.

So what can we do??
Rely on God, who sees all, and knows all.
A lot of times I think about how confusing this world is, and I search and strive for meaning and consistency and a reason for every rhyme...or is it rhyme for every reason?...and I think: maybe God made it confusing just to confuse us. Maybe he doesn't want us to know everything, because maybe...just maybe...he wants us to rely on Him, and to trust in what we KNOW about HIS character. Maybe we'll be a little more centered if we stand on a firm Foundation.
I mean we DO know that He is trustworthy.
We know He is for us, and that He loves us deeper than we could possibly imagine.
We know that He is preparing a Home for us that will put all homes to shame.
We know that He is working everything together for His purpose. And that His purpose is for us to know Him and for us to become more and more like Him through the refining process leading to Holiness.
...I could go on and on.
And maybe I should.
Maybe I should rest in the peace that comes from knowing that even though I don't have it all figured out, I am deeply loved and protected by the One who does!

And so I will do the best with what I have, and walk in the joy and gladness that comes from being grateful for the ones I have around me.

And for the One who gave everything to know me.

We're adopting!!.........a puppy.

I know. It's not the same. But it's a heck of a lot cheaper.
I read that with human adoptions there are usually at least two required trips.
The first trip it to meet the child, and the next is to finish required paperwork and visa information.
This process usually takes AT LEAST $40,000! Not including airfare. Holy crap, that's just an unfathomable amount of money for me to comprehend when I have never made more than $10,000 a year.
Caleb and I would definitely be open to adopting a child one day.
But for now, just a puppy.

"A4311776" is quite a different story. His adoption fees will come out to about $100. Unfortunately I will have to do the two trips though. Anyone interested in adopting an animal must come in person to put their name in. This ensures the dog not be euthenized on day 5. Once an interest has been established, then "day 5" becomes neuter day. Once the dog is recovered from the surgery, then he can be released. BUT on release day another person could come in and swoop to adopt the dog. So you must be there at opening to lay claim.
The shelter is in LA. That's 3.75 hours away without traffic. And we all know LA traffic...
So that's a whopping 15 hours of just driving in one week, and that doesn't even ensure that we will GET the dog!
Is it worth it?
You tell me...

Communication

In the past few weeks I have been working a little with sign language with my little kindergartener at work. And WOW, she's been whiny :)
I'm starting to take her whining as a good sign because it seems to mean that she's learning (reminds me of an old rusty machine starting to work, the gears creaking in protest).
She now signs "more" and "shoe".
"More" is for bubbles and cookies, and shoe is for her little game of shoe tying she loves so much. So long as I don't double knot them, she immediately pulls the strings loose and pounds her fists to sign "shoe".

Tomorrow I get to take some friends' kids to the zoo. These children will ask questions, and verbally complain... :)

I will never take for granted my future childrens' ability to communicate

Courage

Some days I can feel so exasperated I just want to cry, but I know that won't make it all go away.
This morning started like that.

 One of the students had a complete meltdown.

That would actually be an understatement.

So when I went to help with fifth grade yard duty I was not afraid.

Just mad.

...and not afraid.

In the afternoon I found out I would be watching fifth grade after school program.

...I was not afraid. And I had no trouble...except some students complaining about how quiet the class was :)



Fear kinda has a way of being relative to the circumstances you are faced with.


I guess that's one reason to be happy when hard times come.

Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS)

Let me tell you.
PECS cards are beautiful!
The autism specialists came to teach us how to teach Rosa how to use pictures to ask for objects.
She picked it up right away.
Now she asks me for "tickles" and "hug." Friday she asked me to "tie shoe" :)
So proud of her!

Thursday marked the beginning of 10 hour days in Laton.
I get really tired, but I LOVE it!

Milestone!!

Today she pointed!
Over the past week or so she has begun handing me things to help her with.
She hands me string so she can cut it.
She hands me a pencil so I will write...so she can erase.
She puts her (dirty) shoe in my lap so I can tie it.
And in the past couple of days she has taken to handing me the pencil so she can have me trace her hand.
Today she kept handing me the magnetic pencil so I could write letters on the little doodle board...so she could erase them.
I decided to see if I could get her to point.
It took me about 10 tries and suddenly she started forming a point with her own hand!
Immediately the "light came on" and she pointed by herself!!
I wrote the letter she had pointed to.
She stopped. Looked up at me. Intensely leaned close to my face, and opened her eyes really wide.
And smiled.
She got it.
She realized the power she had to make a decision. Suddenly she knew that she had control over what I would write on the board.

Oh, the little joys of my day :)

Victories

Tuesday she asked me for help by putting her shoe on my lap. That same day she learned the difference between "small" and "big" shapes. She's beginning to make eye contact. Today she watched me blow my nose, then imitated me when I put a tissue up to her nose. In the last two days she has taken to untying her shoes just to watch me tie them. She watches intently. She copies facial expressions and some non-voice sounds in the mirror. She smiles at me. Today I learned she hates rain in her hair. She learned how to open the umbrella.
Little victories.
I love this little girl.