I Must Admit...

Many of my family members have struggled with "chemical imbalance." So it's difficult for me to admit that most of my "adult," post-high-school life I have struggled with Depression. And I know it usually stems from Anxiety. What happens it that I have always been one to internalize and personalize everyone's emotions. I'm not really sure why this happens but it completely whipes me out...and I'm guessing my immune system and adrenal glands as well. If I have time to think about it I will try to sit down, uninterrupted, and submit my worries to God's control, and that always helps. But aside from that I seem to always have this lingering....almost sadness??...more of a lack of well being, like I know something's off. Unfortunately I tend to try to point a finger to find something or someone to blame.
Recently it has been in my marriage. I KNOW my sadness it not because of something Caleb is doing wrong, but it seems like the blame falls on him because of proximity.
I had an amazing teacher at Fresno State named Dr. Price-Sharps. She taught Abnormal Psychology, and it was the most intreaguing and engrossing class I took. I was on the edge of my seat every class, AND it was a night class. I never even almost fell asleep. She was teaching us about depression and I asked her if it was worse in the morning. She said no! She explained exactly what that was. She went on to tell the class about Adrenal Fatigue. This is where a person who is stressed overuses their adrenaline supply. Adrenaline accounts for many good things. And once it is depleted, it is difficult to replenish it without some extra help. B vitamins are supposed to work wonders for this. I took my first pill a couple of years ago, and it seemed to give me a tiny boost of happiness.
Then I came across a sub-lingual B Complex from the B Alive store, and just as the lady told me behind the counter- after three days I began to notice a marked difference. It was as if a dark cloud had been lifted from over my head. Last semester I got pretty good about taking one a day at lunch, and I stopped needing a nap to get me through the day- even though I was working long hours with many children. Then my supply ran out and I put off refilling it...for about four months. And recently I have been seriously moody. Everything agitated me, down to stoplights, and hugs from my husband! So I knew I needed a boost. Four days ago I bought more B, and what a difference! I feel alive and even happy. And for the first time in forever...I feel like I want to be with friends! I had no idea how antisocial I have become until I found out one of my good friends is moving across the ocean...and she did not tell me. Another good friend recently moved out of the country and I had no idea until the day she left.
I feel like I have been an awful friend, but more than that, I want to be a good friend! And I feel like I finally have the energy and capacity to do that!